is a fun game. It beats working for a living."
ATL News and
ain't like football. You can't make up no trick plays."
Spade Finds Missing
(ATL Press, 01/18/06, Cy Kosis reporting)
The call went out to Harry Danning, Dale Murphy, Javy Lopez and Eddie
Rommel that their services were needed, and free agent contracts with
teams in the ATL were ready for their signature. The League Office
processed all the pertinent paperwork, and stamped each contract with
League Approval. Money for train tickets was wired out to each of the
players, as well as instructions regarding joining their respective
Usually this is simply passing news on the Free Agent Watch. But this
time something happened -- nothing
None of the players showed up at the appointed time in the appointed
city. Calls went out all over the League. The ATL Central Office was
swamped with activity, and investigative journalism has uncovered that
Detective Sam Spade was hired by the league office to find the errant
ballplayers. The hard and shifty gumshoe rode the rails throughout the
baseball heartlands and found the players carousing in a one-tavern,
backwater town. The players were part of a tramp barnstorming troop headed up
by the notoriously infamous disapearing artist, Babe Phelps. The team calls itself Babe's Barnstormers
and wanders the
country by way of backlot ball diamonds and back-alley taverns, playing
all comers for a share of the game profits or a night of free drinks.
It was also
revealed that Babe has been enticing other players to gallavant on
the fringe of the baseball world with him. The ATL League Office is
considering an official response to the issue.
All the players have since been corralled and sent on to their
respective ATL teams.
"A baseball game is simply a nervous
breakdown divided into nine innings."
Native Takes Cleveland Helm
(ATL Press, 01/03/06, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Cleveland Spiders Professional
Baseball Club bid farewell to their benefactor, Larry Schilling, and
welcomed Sam Murgie as the franchise's new owner. Murgie, a Pittsburgh
native, has made no secret he wants to move the team to Pittsburgh next
year, and compete with the Pirates for the hearts and minds of all
Pensylvanians. The Fanatic Fans for the Return of the Homestead Grays
hope Sam Murgie puts the Homestead logo back into official ATL usage.
However, it has been learned that the Pittsburgh Crawfords Grass Roots
Fan Foundation is now a dark horse candidate for Murgie's attention.
Whatever happens next year in Pittsburgh, the Cleveland fans hope
Murgie can bring them a pennant this year before he takes the team away.
"Being president is hard work. Really
hard work. Really, really hard work."
Flubs League Opener!
(ATL Press, 01/01/06, Cy Kosis reporting)
A surprise news conference was held outside the All Time League offices
today. The Commissioner, surrounded by a swarm of lawyers and a
personal entourage reminiscent of both an accountant's nightmare and a
1920's Chicago 'outfit,' tried to hose down the firestorm created by
the unprofessional delay of the league's second season opener. Aside
from an irrational outburst earlier in the day nothing very coherent
had been heard from the Commissioner. While his mouthpieces tried to
bring order to the catcalls of fans and the angry questions of
reporters, a once swaggering monarch of baseball was now reduced to a
cowering, fidgeting shell of a man hiding behind the accoutrements of
Office. An official statement was read by one of the more snappily
dressed lawyers that expressed "deep regret for the delay of the league
opener," that all blame rests solely on the League office, and not on
any Franchise Owner as erroneously stated previously due to faulty
intelligence. The statement also explained that the Commissioner had
"done his best," "gave it his best shot," "it took a bad hop," "it was
a sophomore jinx,"
and "the sun got in his eyes."
To wit, your intrepid reporter, the one and only Cy Kosis, shouted a
question that drowned out all others: "You muffed an easy one, you
did!" Ok, so it wasn't actually a question, but it got the
Commisioner's attention and he stumbled to the microphone and
stammered, "Being commisioner is hard work. Really hard work. Really,
really hard work."
Just then a voice rang out from the back . . . I couldn't see but it
sounded like the slur of ol' 'Word' Smith himself after a long, New
Year's celebration: "Yeah but . . . ain't it supposed to be? Bush
league error, that was."
"I don't care how long you've been
around, you'll never see it all."
Changes . . .
(ATL Press, 12/27/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
Mikey G, the owner formerly known as
Michael Gilbert, has decided that the Braves moniker for his new team,
formerly known as the Beaneaters, doesn't fit into the spirit of the
Boston scene he frequents. Rumour has it that Mikey G has been seen
sporting a red derby at concerts of The Artist Formerly Known As
Prince, and this is the real reason behind the name change. In an
almost unprecedented move, the Commissioner has granted Mikey G's
request for a new nickname for the team that is now formerly known as
the Braves. The new name also unveils a new uniform, as the Boston Red
Caps, I am informed, they will wear red caps and red shoes as their
signature trademark. They say clothes make the man, but will a new name
and uniform lift the team formerly known as the Beaneaters out of the
cellar? Stay tuned for the 2006 ATL season!
play first, third, left. I'll play anywhere - except Philadelphia."
Moves to Boston
(ATL Press, 12/24/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
No, it is not an April Fool's joke. Hey
wait, this is how I started the last news piece 8 months ago! It's been
a crazy place around here with the team reporters coming and going as
fast as the owners do. Over the last 8 months we regained
Owner O'Brien back again in July, then in October we saw Owners Logan,
Petronzi, Stillwagon and O'Brien depart, while Owners Timothy Laughrey
Cabell joined us. In December 2005, Owner Rick Dean left, and Owners
Andrew Ellis & Mikey Gilbert
joined. That resulted in several changes to the league, including the
Brooklyn Bridegrooms moving out to Los Angeles to be the Dodgers,
having their owner abandon them in their new city and take over the
reins of the recently ownerless Detroit ballclub, and then moving back
to Brooklyn with the Dodgers moniker for a new owner.
In other Franchise News the Seattle Pilots became the Saint Louis
Cardinals, the Cincinnati Reds became the Booston Red Sox in Fenway
Park II 1934-01, the Chicago Cubs became the Houston Colt .45's in the
Houston Astrodome 1965-99, the
New York Mets became the new Chicago Cubs in Wrigley Field 1928-37, the
Houston Astros became the Toronto Blue Jays in Exhibition Stadium
1977-88, the Homestead Grays became the Cincinnati Reds
in Riverfront Stadium 1970-01, the old Toronto Blue Jays became the
Mudville Nine in Goodwater Grove Diamond 2001-02, the Havana Leones
became the Saint Louis Stars in Sportsman's Park 1920-66, the Keokuk
Westerns became the Baltimore in Camden Yards 1992-01, the Washington
Nationals moved into American League Park I 1901-03, and in the
headline news, the Boston Beaneaters changed their nickname and
ballpark, becoming the Braves in Braves Field 1928-41.
Twenty-four owners for twenty-four teams! The pre-season Annual Draft
was a carnival of frenzied prize-winning, and the pre-season trading
and free agent seasons were crowded with near-frantic roster changes.
Controversy was sneaking about everywhere, hiding behind every team
logo, waiting for the unwary to rest. Excitement, thy name is ATL! The
2006 season is almost upon us!
you're in a slump,
it's almost as if you look out at the field
and it's one big glove."
(ATL Press, 04/01/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
No, it is not an April Fool's joke.
Boston is once again without an Owner. The most recent Caretaker Owner,
Paul Dunn, had to leave the league due to unrelated issues. But this
begins to establish a trend for the Boston club, that some may say is
the manifestation of a curse for trading away Babe Ruth before the
season even started. Whatever it is, Boston is not having a good
season. Not able to maintain an Owner to give them direction, getting
no help from the anemic lineup: Ralph Kiner .195, Eddie Murray .215,
Wally Schang .237, Ken Singleton .245, Duke Snider .252, Maury Wills
.266, Mike Moore .274 and Joe Morgan leading the pack at .280. Juan
Marichal (10-2, 3.11, 5 CG, 1 Shu) is the brightest star on this club
so far this season, but he can't do it alone. At 21 games behind
Newark, these Beaneaters need a miracle to get into the Playoffs this
The commissioner will be caretaking the team until another Owner can be
was a fly ball. I caught it."
Comes to Boston
(ATL Press, 03/26/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
With Chad Logan missing in action the
League Office authorized Paul Dunn to manage the day-to-day affairs of
the Boston Beaneaters. Previously the ATL Commissioner was caretaking
for the Boston franchise, and had been ever since Logan went on
vacation in January. But when Dunn came to the League Office seeking a
league franchise when none were available, the Commissioner saw an
opportunity to extend a temporary caretaking position to him. Dunn
readily accepted the offer. The Commssioner explained to reporters that
if Logan could not be found, or chose to leave the league, Dunn would
then become the owner of the Boston franchise. The Beaneaters are
currently in last place in the Union League's Atlantic Division with a
32-44 record. Despite heroic pitching from Juan Marichal (8-2, 3.50),
and superior play by leadoff man Joe Morgan (.285, 18 HR, 40 RBI, 63
Runs, 40 SB), the Beaneaters have not been able to pull things
together. Especially disapointing has been cleanup batter Duke Snider
(.235, 11 HR, 40 RBI), first baseman Eddie Murray (.217, 8 HR, 33 RBI),
and left fielder Ralph Kiner (.179, 10 HR, 26 RBI). The Boston Boys
seem to have been in a perpetual slump ever since their #1 Overall Pick
in the draft, The Bambino himself, was traded away pre-season.
third with a pitcher on base
is like being a member of a bomb disposal squad.
The thing could blow up in your face at any moment."
Maximum Leader is Overthrown!
(ATL Press, 03/25/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Havana ballclub is under new
guidance, and the Maximum Leader has vowed to stay out of the
clubhouse, instead campaigning to overthrow the imperialist Designated
Hitter Rule. The new owner is a SABR member and longtime fan of the
game, Steve Nathan. No immediate word was available on the direction
Nathan would take the team, but the recent major injury to Alejandro
Oms, the second this year, has to be a major concern to the new
management. Oms was injured in a collision at home plate with Keokuk's
catcher, Gary Carter. Oms had to be carried from the field and is
expected to be out for 40 days, and Carter for 9. Nathan was upbeat
about the takeover, and assured reporters his main concern right now
was winning the South Division pennant. The hometown fans plan a warm
and hearty Cuban welcome for the new owner after the team completes a
short road trip to Washington D.C. to play the Homestead Grays.
of long relievers are ashamed to tell their parents what they do.
The only nice thing about it is that you get to wear a uniform like
everbody else. "
Hitches a Ride With Stillwagon
(ATL Press, 03/21/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Philadelphia Athletics have been
looking for a new Owner for some time. Craig Silvius, their present and
now former owner, had become disenchanted with them and was spending
more time with his other club, the Cincinnati Reds. Now the
Philadelphia faithful will get a full time owner, one who has a long
resumé of successful teams in other leagues: Greg Stillwagon.
The franchise held a special Ownership Ceremony at Shibe Park before
the June 16th game with Orix, when Stillwagon was introduced to the
city. Stillwagon's press release indicates he is excited about the
present mix of players on the roster, and looks forward to turning the
Athletics into a powerhouse to challenge the Newark Eagles for
dominance in the Union League's Atlantic Division. Rumours are already
flying of extensive trade talks between Silvius and Stillwagon, and
also of Stillwagon's predilection for sampling the talent pool of Negro
League and Japanese ballplayers.
they'll trade me for a bag of balls . . ."
Takes Over Reins in Chicago!
(ATL Press, 03/20/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Cubs of Chicago, in first place in
the North Division of the Legends league, got a shock when they found
out ownership has passed over to Matthew Rauseo of
www.baseballanalysis.com fame. The Chicgo faithful weren't even
finished celebrating overtaking the failing Toronto Blue Jays when news
came that the team was being bought up by a baseball pundit. Mighty
afraid of rocking the boat at a time like this, Cubbie cranks are
uneasy about the change. One thing that is calming some nerves is the
rumour that Ted Williams and Jackie Robinson have a lifetime contract
with the Cubs as they are the personal favorites of Rauseo. However,
there is still murmurs about Ernie Banks, Ryne Sandberg and Hank Aaron,
all fan-favourites, and none of which has any gossip been forthcoming.
One thing is certain, the Windy City and Rauseo will have plenty of
time to get to know each other.
slick way to outfigure a person is to get him figuring you figure he's
figuring you're figuring
he'll figure you aren't really figuring what you want him to figure you
York Giants Get Jetsetter Owner!
(ATL Press, 03/19/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Giants of New York welcome the 21st
Owner into the 24-team All Time League. George Southerland will be
taking the helm, and rumour has it Southerland will be piloting the
team long distance. The scoop is that Southerland is a rebel and
maverick who in some ways forgoes the traditional to break new ground.
It is reported that the Giants front office
will likely not be seeing him stuck behind a desk in New York City
during the sweltering summer. No, he's much more likely to be
telegraphing in orders for lineup changes and rotation swaps from the
cocktail lounge of his private jet as he jetsets across the globe,
hobnobbing with stars. Distance is not an obstacle for
Southerland, and though he may not be in the front office, he is very
likely to have more of a hand in running
his team than some other, more traditional Owners.
Back in the Polo Grounds, the players and coaches are all wondering
what changes are coming dwn the pike. We attempted to get an interview
with Stan "The Man" Musial, but the coaches are keeping a 'Locked Door'
policy in effect regarding all sportswriters until they get the
go-ahead from the new boss.
hit the ball right where they could show off their defensive ability."
Francisco Welcomes New Owner!
(ATL Press, 03/15/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Seals front office underwent a
thorough overhaul with the purchase of the team by the ATL's 20th
Owner: Jon Brown. The Seals are a hot property, leading the Pacific
Division of the Legends League for most of this inaugural season, and
having such notables on the roster as Joe DiMaggio, .276, 20 HR 52 RBI,
and newcomer Mickey Mantle, .283, 3 HR, 9 RBI (combined: .289, 8 HR, 45 RBI),
as well as ace pitcher Christy Mathewson, 6-2, 2.80. The Seals faithful
have enjoyed a good season so far, and are anxious about what the
future holds. They look forward to the new management, and have pledged
to give Mr. Brown their full support by putting their fannies in the
seats and yelling their heads off.
The Seals will start the Brown Era with a three-game set against the
Athletics of Philadelphia, before moving up the Atlantic coast to New
like rules. If they didn't have any rules, they wouldn't have anything
Field Gets a New Look!
(ATL Press, 03/14/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Brooklyn Briderooms welcomed a new
owner to town by festooning Ebbets Field with pennants, flowers and
bunting in the team's colors, royal blue, red, white and grey. John
Bruyninckx, a longtime and loyal fan will be taking the helm of the
Legends League East Division cellar dweller. At 27-34, the Bridegrooms
are 11 1/2 games behind the front-runner, but Bruyninckx pledges to
turn the team around. There are some bright spots Bruyninckx hopes to
build upon, like outfielder Zack Wheat, currently hitting .301, as well
as the indomitable Sandy Koufax, 4-3 2.95 , and the mesmerizing Andy
Messersmith, 5-5 2.36.
Bruyninckx is having round the clock meetings to ease his takeover, and
will assume day-to-day operations of the Brooklyn franchise beginning
on 3/16/05. This makes 19 Owners for the ATL, one closer to the magic
number of 24.
best pitch is anything the batter grounds, lines, or pops in the
direction of Rizzuto."
York Metropolitans Shift Gears!
(ATL Press, 02/13/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Metropolitans of New York saw an ownership change as longtime
baseball afficianado, Joe DiPerri, bought into the fledgling All Time
League by superceding Bill Sager at the helm of the Mets. Sager remains
the owner of the powerhouse Newark Eagles ballclub in the Union League,
but DiPerri now runs the Legends League franchise. The Mets had been
picked to skate to the East Division title after the stole The Bambino
from Boston in a deal that some say laid a Curse upon the Beaneaters.
But recent events have seen the Pirates battle to the division lead,
and Babe Ruth injured in a collison at home plate with Ivan Rodriguez
of Toronto. The first thing DiPerri authorized was to place Ruth on the
Disabled List and bring up Ross Youngs to play right field for the
interim. Sager could not be reached for comment as he was deep in a
strategy meeting back in Newark, but DiPerri was excited to be part of
see Ichiro hit is to be taken back almost a century."
Owner In Keokuk!
(ATL Press, 01/28/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Legends League Keokuk Westerns, currently atop their North Division
standings by a full 3 games have been taken over by a new
Owner, Justin Petronzi. The previous Owner, Patrick O'Brien, who also
owns the controversial Seattle Pilots franchise will continue to be an
active member of
the All Time League in that capacity. The ATL takes another step at
full League Ownership and now stands at 17 Owners
and 24 Franchises.
The City Councils of Brooklyn, Keokuk and Seattle all made heartfelt
appeals to the new Owner, but Mr. Petronzi was quick to select Keokuk,
exclaiming that coming to the powerhouse Westerns franchise was "a no-brainer!" Petronzi is
also a successful Owner of a franchise in the similarly named major
league, the All Time Baseball League.
His career record there as of this writing is 496-314, for a .612
As previously mentioned in the News, the ATBL is in different
space-time continuum so there is no conflict of interest. The ATL
welcomes Mr. Petronzi, and wishes him well. The League Office does
wonder, however, if the sports reporter extraordinaire, Word Smith,
will continue to follow the Keokuk Westerns, or focus primarily on the
Seattle Pilots and the neverending controversies manifesting in Puget
told him I wasn't tired. He told me, 'No,
but the outfielders sure are.'"
Franchise Bought Out!
(ATL Press, 01/20/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Union League Washington Nationals have been taken over by a new
Owner, Lou Poulas. The previous Owner, Scott Carter, also owns the
Homestead Grays franchise and will continue to be an active member of
the All Time League in that capacity.
The ATL's stated goal is for individual Owners for each franchise, and
this step with Poulas taking over the Washington club is just movement
in that direction. This takeover also makes up for the loss of
Cincinnati's original Owner, Mike Bush. So the ATL stays at 16 Owners
and 24 Franchises.
Mr. Poulas was quoted as exclaiming "I
can't pass up Walter Johnson!"
when he made his decision to go with the Washington franchise over the
other front runners, Brooklyn, New York Giants and Seattle. Poulas is
also the Commissioner of a similarly named major league, the All Time Baseball League.
This is not seen as a conflict of interest because the league Poulas
oversees is in different space-time continuum, and never the twain
shall meet (else there would be an apocolyptic badda-boom!).
So the only question that remains is whether or not this Poulas is the
same as that other-dimensional Poulas who must then have perfected
inter-dimensional travel, or whether this Poulas is a clone or else has
something to do with the Scandal That Wasn't in Seattle.
fielders have to catch a lot of balls, or at least deflect them to
someone who can."
Connects With Cincinnati!
(ATL Press, 01/15/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Legends League Cincinnati Reds
baseball franchise has found a new owner today -- Craig Silvius, owner
of the Union League's Philadelphia Athletics has taken over the reins
of the midland ballclub. It has been uncovered that the recently
abandoned franchise had been shopped around to prospective owners, both
inside and outside the ATL. Reportedly there was almost a deal with a
northern owner to take over, but technical problems delayed and
eventually nixed the deal. It has been discovered that the Commissioner
was actively taking part in the management of the Cincinnati club in
the week that the club was without an owner. Lineups, farm assignments,
rotations, sub roles and even trade talk and a nickname change for the
Reds all passed over the Commssioner's desk. However no permanent
changes were made. Silvius was given the lineups and rotations as a
courtesy, but is fully expected to run the club with his own ideas and
perspective. The transfer of ownership to Silvius is effective
immediately. All trade negotiations should be routed to the Silvius
offices, and the Commissioner has released to this reporter that he was
passing on absolutely no binding agreements on any trade talks -- and
only the barest of negotiations had been started. The
Commissioner did say that he had hoped to sign Ken Griffey Senior and
Harry Steinfeldt to the club as free agents, and had also held talks
with agents for Gus Bell, Dummy Hoy, Leo Cardenas and Lee May, but that
now all free agent decisions are to be made by the Silvius management.
The Commissioner wishes Craig Silvius well with his new ballclub, and
thanks him personally for stepping up and assuming responsibility for
the Concinnati club.
only have trouble with fly balls."
Goes Free Agent!
(ATL Press, 01/08/05, Cy Kosis reporting)
The Cincinnati Reds baseball franchise
lost its owner a day before the first ever ATL Exhibition Season came
to a close. The League was informed that the Cincinnati franchise
owner, Mike Bush, regrettably is forced to resign his position because
of off-field committments. The League is saddened by Bush's decision,
but fully understands that some things are more important than
simulation baseball (not many, but a few).
That opens the door wide for a new owner to come into the League, or
for one of the single-team owners from the Union League to take this
orphaned Legends League ballclub under their wing. This is a powerful
Cincinnati team that features such notables as Jimmy "Double-XX" Foxx,
Shoeless Joe Jackson, Bucketfoot Al Simmons, Tris Speaker, Rollie
Fingers and Josh Gibson. The new owner would have the choice of playing
this season in Griffith Stadium or Forbes Field. Next year an
additional option for the new owner will be to stay with this year's
location or to construct Greenlee Field. Normally owners must stay with
a ballpark for at least five years before changing, but new owners can
change the ballpark during their first off-season.
"I have an idea what to do about the bullpen - napalm."